Sean Simmans Dot ComCharles Wayne, Producer

Spoiler Alert: Labyrinth

by Ray McMillin


illustration by Sean Simmans

In Labyrinth, David Bowie plays a child kidnapper who breaks into a teenage Jennifer Connelly’s bedroom, before abducting her and forcing her to engage in a series of life-threatening and mind-altering trials, all while trapped in the confines of a prison, which is inhabited mostly by immoral creatures who trick Jennifer into wasting all the remaining time she has to produce a child by herself.

Upon arriving at Bowie’s labyrinth, Jennifer is greeted by an elderly vagabond who is exposing his genitals to a small group of fairies, which he then kills by using a chemical assault weapon, as Jennifer is forced to watch.

Soon, Jennifer is tricked into consuming a hallucinogenic substance that makes her black out while at a strange dance party, in which random couples are hooking up and swapping partners. After recovering from being forcefully intoxicated by Bowie, Jennifer wakes up and realizes that she needs to make it home before her parents realize that she’s been attending bizarre, secret rituals with couples twice her age.

Instead of opting to get rid of the baby, Jennifer succumbs to David Bowie’s demands and moves in to his living quarters, so that she can trick him into giving her custody of the child, his kingdom and any remaining power that Bowie may have over her.

The film ends as Jennifer makes it home, but not without the residual effects of auditory and visual hallucinations, which threaten to haunt her for the remainder of her life.

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