How To Work At A Dispensary

by Your Friendly Neighborhood Bartender

This month, we are taking a break from interviewing rappers and comedians, to bring you a very, very special column. While dropping off some copies of Saucetown at Herbal Grasslands in Salem, Oregon, we met a budtender who was more than willing to share her secrets with you, the aspiring budtender and/or out-of-work stoner...

So, after getting to know the budtenders at your local shop, you have decided that it would be killer to get a job at a dispensary. You have started following the cute girl behind the counter with the dreads and septum piercing on IG, but she hasn’t even watched all of your dab videos yet—and, that greasy guy behind the counter doesn’t even know what you mean when you ask for "good shit!" I know...it can be frustrating, I was there myself. But, now, as a highly experienced budtender of eight months, I am here to share my wealth of knowledge.

With many local millennials desperate to work somewhere other than Dutch Bros, there is a lot of competition for entry-level dispensary positions. But, I am here to guide you young buds to the first job where you can say you smoke weed for a living.


illustration by Sean Simmans

After passing the official test and spending blood money to get your professional weed person’s license, there are some simple things you can learn that will give you leverage over other potential budtenders. If you roll epic joints, now is the time to show that skill! Roll a doob and tape it to the resume—management will be so impressed that the interview will be just a formality. Oh, and of course, grow experience is of utmost importance. Let them know that you have grown some dank-ass herb, and make sure to include micro detailed pictures—otherwise, how would they know that you are literally the best personal grower in Salem?

If they ask you in the interview if you know the difference between indica and sativa, say "indica is in’da’couch!" and I guarantee their minds will be blown. Then, tell them you’ll smoke some sativa to help clean that up. Another tip is it always helps to inform them of your weed knowledge in your resume. Make sure to note how you are, pretty much, a full time stoner. Another thing, don’t dress up! Showing up "business casual" to a dispensary is so overkill. Just wear your hemp-woven hoodie and sandles—if anything, they will be impressed by your dedication to the stoner craft. With these tips, you have what it takes to win over any manager at a dispensary. Maybe, next time we can talk about what to expect on your first day...

Sincerely,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Budtender

(More March / April 2019 Articles & Content)