Saucetown - March / April 2019


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Saucetown Presents: How To Work At A Dispensary

This month, we are taking a break from interviewing rappers and comedians, to bring you a very, very special column. While dropping off some copies of Saucetown at Herbal Grasslands in Salem, Oregon, we met a budtender who was more than willing to share her secrets with you, the aspiring budtender and/or out-of-work stoner...


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Pizzafold (March / April 2019)

Pizza: Pietro’s (Milwaukie, OR)

Model: Kodi


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Letter From The Editor

Greetings, fellow residents of (and visitors to) Saucetown. We have a major update to drop, so please put the pizza down for a few seconds and peep game...


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Saucetown News

All the stuff that news is made of...


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Candi’s Dating Advice For The Guys

So, like, dick pics are mandatory and totally allowed, but only if they’re shot in good lighting and they’ve got to have a good back story to them—otherwise, they’re just offensive and disgusting. One time, a really hot guy sent me a dick pick immediately after he accepted a job at a high-level law firm. I mean, duh...


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Sauceword Puzzle

Our brand-new feature—a printable crossword puzzle...


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Life’s, Like, What?

Life, interpreted by artist Sean Simmans.


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Community Voices: I Want My Next Divorce To Be Special

It’s every girl’s dream—to grow up, meet a man, fall in love and then take him for half of everything he has in an ugly, drawn-out legal battle. But, in the current year, so many people are getting divorced that it’s really hard to make a separation stand out. That’s why I promise to make my next divorce the best one ever.


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Saucetown Horoscopes

The stars are aligning and there’s nothing you can do about it...


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Mars Cafe #129

Enter into the strange and wonderful world of Mars Cafe, as documented by artist Sean Simmans...


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The Ideal Facebook News Feed

Newcomer Nathan Hart breaks down the ideal social media timeline...


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The Future Is Already

Sean Simmans takes on modern technology...


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Saucetown Ad Parodies - March / April 2019

Can you even tell the difference, anymore?


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Saucetown Animal Spotlight: Odorous House Ant (Tapinoma Sessile)

Nature’s middle finger made manifest...


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Upcoming TV & Film Releases

Sneak previews of the stuff about to hit the screen...


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Green Brain

Yet another bizarre column by our mastermind artist, Simmans...


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Saucetown Quiz

What’s your generic Dr. Pepper name?


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Freedom Ball

Twisted imagery from a suspicious alter ego...


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Saucetown Printable Poster

Perk up your online pizza order...


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Saucetown Fake-Out Cover: Sasq-Watch

Easily disguise your copy of Saucetown by flipping over the last page, to reveal an entirely different (and fictitious) magazine cover...


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Things Mark Zuckerberg Can Do To Seem More Human

An instruction guide for the cyborg in charge...


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Time Police

Sci-fi meets Saucetown...


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Simmans’ Page

We give our artist, Sean Simmans, his own page to advertise whatever he wants and this is what he did this month...


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